The fractal nature of creation, evolution of consciousness and the of the ego

Coming soon...

Of shadowy aspects of selves.

In this post, I talk abour my own experiences with the shadow self. Spiritual literature is replete with descriptions of the wounded inner child and how to heal it. Some call it the shadow aspect of ourselves, what in various mythologies is referred to as the descent into the underworld. It embodies the traumas that we just shove underneath the carpet throughout our life until there comes a point when they come knocking on our doors and ask to be processed. Our society and culture unfortunately do not encourage us to feel and acknowledge our dark feelings, so we have a world of people living wounded lives that never get resolved and this is projected out into the world we are living in. Hence on a larger scale we all are to a certain extent responsible for all that is not right with the world. A while ago, I told myself I accept the responsibility of having contributed to that, instead of blaming some foreign powers who would not be all that powerful if we were not giving our power away to them.

I figured if I take responsibility for these by acknowledging those facets of myself that I do not like, I have the power to transmute and change them, and in doing so, I help to shine my light out into the world. But if I keep thinking that all the negative stuff are caused by just a group of people, it implies to a certain extent that the outcome rests only with those folks, and hence I have very little control and influence over outcomes in the world and I could be forever the victim. I read somewhere that the illuminati, annunaki, Skulls and Bones, Bilderberger of this world are but a reflection of the overall level of consciousness and I would tend to agree with that. Once the people on this planet deal with their own inner shadow and become empowered, all those dark entities would automatically dissolve.

I really think there is no shortcut to the pain that we feel, although sometimes, I do wonder whether there are shortcuts to any of those. I am not sure about that, but sometimes, it felt that I did have to go through everything in order to come out at the other end of the tunnel. Relationships are great examples of such scenarios, especially those that create huge shifts and intense personal transformation. We end up repeating the same patterns and going on the same roller coaster ride for another while more until we gain the perception we need to move on or the energies are just too different to coexist anymore. As long as that does not happen and the energy was not fully processed and we are given another chance to do the work. If we go our own merry way and enter into another relationship without resolving any previous issues and gained the insight that are needed to be had, chances are very high that the same patterns would repeat in another future relationship.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that there could be a method to the madness. But we could walk through the fire with a greater awareness, and that might make things a little bit easier. For example, by just feeling the pain and let it be, rather than fight it and get depressed about it. After a while, once it is released and yielded any perception it was meant to bring, it will get freed of its own accord. So, I think if shortcut there is, the mindset in approaching the situation is it. In hindsight, we could always tell ourselves that if we knew all this beforehand, things would have been a lot easier. But I have to acknowledge that from my personal experience, one or 2 years ago, I did not have the same level of consciousness, so I had to walk the path to get to where I am. I do not know whether I have to face any more demons later on, but I am sure glad I dealt with the last ones. I also noticed that our spirit always seems to be testing us to see if we really got over and learnt from the old situation before we get to move on fully.

If you are familiar with the work of Carolyn Miss, she talks about how all of the aspects we hold, positive or negative, we give energy to. Hence, the traumas that we go through cause us to leak energy. If we get a daily dose of pranic force everyday that we are alive, each of the issues, no matter how big and small cause us to lose some of the energy that we are assigned. Hence, we could be left with very little energy to drive ourselves around, and hence the reason why we may feel tired and out of it. If our energy balance runs into overdraft, that is where we then borrow from our cell tissues or from other people (psychic vampirism), and then develop illnesses or distorted karmic bonds.

Which means that every dark aspect that we face within ourselves frees up energy within our chakras, and hence we have more and more energy at our disposal to live our lives more fully and in line with our spirit. Also, because we use energy to manifest things, this would mean that if we do not have enough energy to manifest, for example a house, but we still do, that may mean that we have "borrowed" energy from somewhere and we may need to pay it back in the form of our health or mental state. It got me thinking about those people who "have it all". Money, fame, relationship, etc... and yet are not happy. I have a theory about the correlation between our level of consciousness and energy, but I think that would be the subject of a future post.

Dream Journalling

I believe we have all wondered at some point or another about which direction our life is going. If we spend some time to observe the way our lives go, it seems that we are bound to see cycles, that is patterns that keep repeating themselves over and over. This is not the topic of this discussion, but I want to bring this up in order to make clear a distinction between our conscious and subconscious mind. This also goes into addictions or other disorders or disempowering thoughts that we might get stuck with, without being able to figure out why.

The simple explanation is this. Our conscious mind is bombarded on a daily basis with redundant and insidious thought forms. The news, advertisement, our daily commitments that we have to attend to. What happens then is that our conscious mind become submerged into a sea of distractions, and it becomes very difficult to really go deep within ourselves to figure things out.

But our own destiny and creations are all within our reach. We just need to figure out where to look for them. Meditation is a very good way to do that. But one key practice of meditation is that we often try to clear our mind of thoughts. So, this is a bit counter-intuitive to what we are trying to do, which is to figure what is in our subconscious mind. Some people often divination techniques to bring out this kind of information. The technique I want to talk about here though is going to our subconscious mind via our dreams.

The concept behind this is very simple. As I have already stated, in our "awake" state, aka our beta frequency state, our mind is too laden with random stuffs for us to be still enough to figure things out. But when we go to sleep, we shift from beta to alpha to theta and then delta. The beta state is our common waking state that we operate in most of the time. When we into alpha, our brain frequency slows down a bit and we become more relaxed. The theta state

...to be continued...

HS Tarot

Worship of the goddess

In times gone by, the goddess would sit on her throne, in all her glory, showing off her beauty, her splendour and all that passed by to look on to her, would be mesmerized by that image of purity and innocence. And they would bow down, females and males alike and sing praises to her. She would drive them crazy, to the point that they would be ready to die for her, such is her magic and allure. But this is no ordinary death, for it is a conscious transition. It allows the heart of the onlooker to open through the arts, through music and poetry.

Countless authors, playwrights and musicians have sung praises to the goddess over the ages gone by. But when the earth fell, the goddess forgot who she was. She started to have lingering doubts. Her image started to shatter, and the passers-by began to look upon her with suspicions. As she tried to gain back her composure through the arts of magic, they cried foul. They burnt her at the stake. For they too had suffered a great loss of memory. And then things started to spiral downwards. The goddess fell off her throne, bruised and wounded - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

But the worshippers suffered a wretched fate as well. For in violating the goddess with their wicked invectives, they were harming their own selves as well. Their hearts hardened, like stones. The feelings of romance left them. To protect herself, the goddess put around her a cloak of protection. A wall. To protect herself, she had to let go of her own feelings. She had to forget that her own sons and daughters had forsaken her, for the pain was too hard to bear. And so she forgot.

And lost were those golden days where worshipper and worshipped dance as one. In those days, those who worshipped knew that in accepting their praises of glory, they were being worshipped too. Goddess and disciples were equal. The worshipper was the worshipped and the worshipped was the worshipper. It was a magical and cosmic dance that pulsed for aeons until the fall. Duality then sprung forth, and the amnesia became even more pronounced.

After a while, the memories started to stir a little, and there were vague flashes of remembrance. So, everyone built and started to worship idols, false gods. They were but pillars of illusion. In modern times, the fake goddesses stroll in front of cameras titillating the senses once again. But it is just a tiny speck of the glory that once existed.

The time has now come for us to remember that the gods and goddesses live in our own midst. Our brothers and sisters, our fathers and mothers, our lovers and beloved. When our hearts open again to see the beauty and splendour of the goddesses, once again they will take their rightful place back on the throne and be ready to be worshipped once more. In the same breath, when the goddesses that walk among us truly remember who they are, they will indeed, of their own will sit down on the thrones, and the onlookers will start to see once again. They will see the beauty, they will feel the magic and they will hear the music.

And the cosmic dance can begin once again. The play of love and glory, the pulsing of the divine, the masculine and the feminine within each and everyone of us. For such is our essence, as a microcosm of the macrocosm. For we all hold within ourselves yin and yang, light and dark, known and unknown. And on that day, the temple will thus flung its doors wide open, and so the goddess shall be worshipped once more.

A momentary halt in time.

Holding my fantasies about you to myself keep them pure and untainted.

Our childlike innocence and play, lost to the dementia of the ego and the quest for permanence.

Solitude beckons to the craving heart.

Only a return to the virgin veil can save the warrior from his own madness.

In surrender, passion and desire grow, pulsing and consuming each other.

The serpent devours its own tail.

The thrusts of time come full circle, into the infinity of the eight.

And nothing else remains but death, immortality and the end of time, freezed in picture perfect moment.

Fardin. Aug 15, 2008.

Another experience

Date: Sunday March 16 Morning 1am.

I went to bed at around 1am in the morning. Prior to that, I had been re-reading the couple of Michael's articles on channelling. I also did a tarot reading for myself before going to bed, that pretty much confirmed the energies that are present in my life at the moment. I shall not elaborate on these as they are not the subject matter of this account.

As usual, I like to use audio guided meditations to start getting into the trance state. I started with relaxing my body, visualizing energy flow through my body first, and then blasting open all my chakras. When I could feel everything nicely pumping and flowing, I started visualizing my body, my head, my brain, down to the level of detail of the brain synapses. They were pretty clear that time, and then I moved out to visualize the crown of my head.

The intense tingling was matched by very clear visuals of throbbing petals of the crown chakra. At this point, either I cannot recall what happened next, or I just lost control of things. What I recall next is being sucked into the now familiar warp of random visuals ranging from gardens, forests, to waterfalls. The next thing I know, I found myself in some kind of pool, and on the bank, sat on high chairs were people who appeared to form some kind of elders council. I checked up on the energy imprint and felt safe to proceed.

I should point out at that point that the self that I was seeing was that of an infant. I cannot fathom why I would be swimming in the water, surrounded by all these folks, but this was what was happening. So, it turns out I was back with my spiritual ancestors. I was welcome home! I then asked a number of questions - who I am, what am I doing on earth, and so on. I shall not, once again talk about these as they are not really relevant to this experience. I saw different visions of who I was supposed to be in past lives.

I asked about someone with whom I had been have rocky periods lately, and she appeared to me as a child, just like I was a child myself in the visions. She was a playful and mischievous little girl, and was shying away from me, as if leading me to somewhere, but never quite letting me catch up with her. I soon grew tried of her frolics and gave up on interpreting these visions, so I stated my intent to proceed.

Next came perhaps the most interesting part of the experience. I met my guides. In previous encounters, they appeared to me as holiest of holies, but this time they looked like normal human entities, but one key trait was that they seemed mischeavous and appeared to be playing pranks on me. I had some initial doubt in my mind that they could be some other entities, but once again I validated the energy signature, and I felt safe to continue. One of them told me to remember the signature for future communication.

I was then told to be prepared, that something was about to happen. This is when I started feeling itching and energy flows in my body. It was not as intense as the first experience I related about a week ago, but one of the first thing I noticed was that there was an energy in my mouth causing my lips to do full rotation, my cheeks went up, and I felt my eyes squinting. The funny side of the scenario was not lost on me, and I asked my guides whether they were having some fun at my expense, to which they heartily laughed. I just surrendered to the experience. I also started asking questions to them, but these are not entirely clear in my memory at this point.

Now, throughout these ongoings, my roommate who had been out clubbing had come back home with some friends, and even though I was in a trance, I could hear some music playing out in the living room. If I was going to have an out of body experience, the music somehow was a distraction that kept my consciousness in my body. Maybe there was a purpose to it all. Then, it started happening, the facial spasms gradually turned into motions in my body itself.

There seemed to be an unknown energy moving my arms and legs, and I knew that I did not have any form of conscious control on them. The initial thoughts that came up were "interesting" to say the least. I began wondering if I was being "possessed", or if I would ever step out of all these movements that seemed to be happening without my conscious will. There was no fear however, maybe due to the funny aspect that I mentioned above.

As though to assuage my concerns, I felt a distinctively feminine energy that sought to reassure me, encouraging me to surrender to the experience. At the same time, my body was being aligned into various postures on its own. In the first ones, my legs would align close together, if they were separated, they would be brought into alignment on their own, my left arm would then swing around and lay on my chest, the right would then do its own movements before closing in on the left. I could feel my body being aligned in perfect symmetry, something which the
energy seemed very attentive to maintaining.

Being somewhat semi-conscious, as the trance state was wearing off, I tried to consciously influence the movements of my limbs. But I just could not. Both body and mind were completely in surrender mode. Someone observing with a camera might have fallen off their chairs laughing at some point. While lying down, my left and right arms moved like serpents on my bed before raising up completely straight pointing at the ceiling. Besides musing on the humorous side of things, I was also wondering if the postures I was adopting had any significant meaning. I felt they could be some secret codes to unlock something. When I asked about that, I was told it was time yet for these to be revealed to me, whatever that
was supposed to mean.

Just like for the first time, erotic visions involving myself and other feminine entities were brought into my consciousness, as my body was led into gentle pelvic thrusts. Once again, the thought that I could swayed by some manipulative energy came to my awareness, but the rapture of the moment was too intense for me to care. Then, my body started to move on its own into various weird postures that caused me to shift around into a 360 degrees rotation around my bed. I could definitely feel my legs hanging out of my bed. It also seemed the energy was wise and kind enough not the throw me out on the floor! Next came spontaneous yoga postures, which then made sense to me as to what was happening: spontaneous
kundalini energy. It is something that I had read a lot on since attending a kundalini yoga workshop about 3 weeks ago. Most people's account speak of violent shaking, some train wrecking their inside organs, and so on.

But there I was being gently guided into these spontaneous poses, and feeling pretty darn good about it. Various stretches followed, that I would normally not be able to do, at my current level of practice. I also remember doing a shoulder stand, gracefully going up and down. When it started tempering down, I tried to come to my senses, but I felt pretty tired. This actually went on for quite a few hours. I fell in and out of sleep, while the spontaneous energy was still gently acting upon my body. It must have been close to 7am when I finally managed to drift off to a more stable sleep.

I woke up in a daze at around noon, and had a bit more surprise in store. As I sat there reading my emails, my face started twitching again...It was probably a good thing I did not step outside to treat my flat mate to a spontaneous head stand in the living room!